Celebrating the real deal

♥ is unisex, comes in varying sizes and fits right to about anybody who has the desire to shop

Recently, I encountered a “share” on Facebook written by Regina Brett. Of the 42 lessons that life taught her, I picked up my top 3 of which number one was: “Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.” I don’t stock candles or nice sheets but I admit, I may tend to pick up fancy briefs. However, the “today is special” philosophy resonated with me instantly. My surrounding world of friends and family has transformed me into a hardcore believer.

As a result, I tend to make a million impromptu decisions like buying a Canon 70-300mm lens to shoot Sula fest 2013, or taking excursions to see the vicinities around Maharashtra or participating in the Bangalore pride parade of 2011. If not today, when in the future would I ever do these things? I reason with myself: someday when tomorrow stops, I would have lived, left with some unaccomplished agendas, but still lived. There probably would be people who say "Oh, he shot some wonderful photos."

Ever since I was born, I have believed in love. Of all the years that I have lived; I have undeterred faith in the institution. I don’t know why, it’s perhaps the influence of the stars during my birth or a genetic syndrome inflicted by God on my soul. I am not the only one. Other than me, I see an awful lot of people who share this condition.

So, in the spirit of today, Valentine’s day 2013, I thought of sharing two beautiful love stories that I have had a chance to get to know.

Aaji <3 Bappa

Leela (Raja) & Vinayak (Bappa)

During 1945, a handsome young man, Vinayak Veni was studying B Ed at SP College, Pune, during which time he found friendship in Mr. and Mrs. Joshi. Mr. Joshi was his fellow class mate and married to a nice, lively girl, Sindhu. Sindhu and Leela [Leela Hrishi] were childhood friends from Ahmednagar. When Vinayak finished his studies and started his career as a lecturer in Amravati, Sindhu came forth with the idea of his marriage to Leela.

After a series of letter exchanges between Vinayak and the Joshis, Leela and her brother dada mama, a Sanskrit scholar, decided to meet Vinayak and his parents in Amravati. Amravati had no hotels then, so Vinayak made lodging arrangements for the Hrishi’s next to his rented home stay. The 20 hours of hectic railway journey (Ahmednagar to Manmad in one train, and Manmad to Amravati in another) exhausted the Hrishi's.

When Vinayak received them at the station, he wore a spotless white shirt and white dhotar. Leela was in a navari sari. It was probably love at first sight, although, Vinayak or Leela have never put their first meeting in those many words. In the afternoon, Leela helped Vinayak’s mother make lunch and in that one gesture she had grown fond of her. Dada mama also liked Vinayak and a wedding date in the consecutive month was fixed. On July 10, 1947 Vinayak and Leela were bonded in holy matrimony.

I know them as Aaji and Bappa, who are grandparents to my dear friend, Aloha (nickname). Over the past decade that I have known them, they come forth as a couple "in love". This year in July, they would have shared 66 years of marital bliss. They probably have never said “I love you” to one another, but in their actions, each day, they say it a million times. Bappa, today, is 95 and still very active (touch wood) compared to aaji who is 90. He makes her a cup of tea every morning. He irons her clothes and then goes about doing his regular chores. These days aaji doesn’t step out much but soon after marriage both of them took evening walks together. The evening walks were quite a scandal during their times in the place (Vidharbha) they lived. Society was conservative and people weren’t used to seeing couples take evening strolls. Evening strolls was their romance. Aaji loves new things, even today. A brand new watch, a beautiful sari will bring a smile to her face. She lives upto her Arien sign of zodiac. A smile on Aaji’s face will bring a smile to Bappa.

Aaji nicknamed Vinayak as 'Bappa' because Vinayak is another name for Ganapati Bappa. He, lovingly, calls her raja.

They are old world and like a fortunate few of those times, a match made in heaven. Bappa continues to be a very dependable man. He has looked after aaji and his family, and is a father figure to other close relatives. Aaji, Bappa have two daughters, three grand kids, and three adorable great grand kids. This family has been their world. They live a 100 yards away from each other.

Recently, a tumor lump reappeared on Bappa’s upper chest and he had to undergo surgery again. His greatest pain though was if something went wrong with him, who would make Aaji her morning tea? Such is their love.

I wonder whether Bappa was lucky in love to find a soul mate in his wife and marry the first woman he ever met! Did love choose them over others? For now, all I can say is, as far as this real love story goes: “Prince charmings don’t always ride white horses. Damsels don't always need to be rescued. True love becomes grand through simple gestures of everyday morning tea.”

Stacy <3 Donna
 

Stacy and Donna

In a little modern times, 15 years ago, in NY, another wonderful woman, Stacy, became friends with Donna who lived in Queens. Both of them were involved with different people when they met. Conversations of life and love over beer brought them closer. Soon, Donna became one of Stacy’s best friends.

However brewing under the beer of unadulterated friendship and healthy camaraderie lay hidden a latent attraction that Donna admitted to, one day. Once that confession cat was out of the bag, Stacy tried to trace back and reason logic of all the excitement of having her “alone-time” with Donna, their conversations on love and life. Upon reflection, she realized that she had fallen in love with Donna, as well. Of course, both of them carried the guilt of hurting their then respective partners but Stacy discerned, “I had never been loved so fiercely. And so I decided I was going to be selfish and keep what we had sacred.”

They began their journey together when Stacy was 29 years old. They had their commitment ceremony in May 2000. I believe, both of them always wanted to be mothers and raise a family. So they found a fairy God mother who had the ability to get a card board box pregnant and had their first boy, Hunter (name changed), in 2001. Skye (name changed), their daughter, came five years later.

I got to know Stacy as a fellow IBMer. I worked on one of her articles and through the reference links reached her personal parenting blog. I must say, in spite of being a million miles apart and knowing her in a virtual world, their love for one another as a family permeates across to the readers. They have faith in their church and are raising wonderful kids. Recently, Skye announced to them that she wants to marry a woman as crazy as Donna and then deal with her like Stacy deals with Donna. She has a belief system that tells her having two mothers is a sign of "luck". Therefore, she wants her kids to be as “lucky” as she is. Her two mothers talked to her, and in a very neutral manner, made her comfortable with the idea that in the future, if she decides to marry a tall, dark, handsome man instead, it would be perfectly alright too. 

This parenting philosophy rocks (at least in my world)! A family in which a six year old feels free to express who she wants to love and marry irrespective of any gender barriers is awesome! ‘Parents presenting more traditional alternatives’ are awesome-r.

Unfortunately, a large part of our world is not accepting of gay marriages or parenting or the plain diversity idea of LGBT communities. This inequality is apparent even in a nation like the US as Stacy herself says, “Today, nearly 13 years later, we still wait for same sex marriage to come to New Jersey. We had our civil union in December of 2008, but we're still waiting for true marriage equality.

As we wait, I look over at my wife and notice that her hair, like mine, has more gray in it; her eyes, like mine, have deeper laugh lines; and fatigue sometimes feels like a constant companion. However, our love story is still being written. I love her more today than I did all those years ago. Marriage equality won't change that, but it will at least reflect the commitment we made so long ago. I don't want equal rights as some kind of political stand. That's rarely why anyone gets married. I want equal rights because I want the protection that equality grants us."

Hopefully, president Obama over the next four years shall change this. I didn’t walk the Mumbai pride march in February 2013 because I have nothing new to say than what I did in 2011, which is, “in support of a society that’s more inclusive and accepting of diversities and equal rights of marriage and adoption to the LGBT community.” Any and every pride march I participate in the future in any part of the world shall be in support of this philosophy until the world over people are legally recognized to choose, love and marry a partner of their choice. However, today, in spite of an unequal world, as said in my earlier blog post, Stacy and Donna are exemplary of the statement I made: “What impresses me though is against these adversities people stand up for who they are or want to be, who they choose to love and demand they be recognized by law.” They are exemplary of probably a million people in the world who are not recognized by law to marry the one they love.

I blame the fire of this activism on the genetic syndrome. I also blame it on my part libran birth that makes me want to have a just world. I don't understand the politics of 'marriage inequality' but shouldn't it be simple that anybody in love should have privilege to exercise a marriage right?

Turns out Regina Brett had a life lesson for all the losers with similar genetic syndrome. She said "All that truly matters in the end is that you loved." Kinda beats it right that it was my second in the top three lessons.

I see the diversity between aaji, Bappa and Stacy, Donna. Some are cosmetic (genders), some cultural and some deal with faith. However, in the larger picture I see they are simply two couples insanely in love with one another. The love for their individual families is equally fierce.

I cannot change the world, I realize. Not with blogging or pride walking in random places on earth. But Gandhi said:

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will."

So this is my insignificant blog as a Valentine wish of fantastic health to aaji and Bappa in their togetherness. It is a Valentine hope that someday I shall get to see Stacy and Donna's wedding pictures with a recognized marriage license in NJ. That is the better tomorrow. In Regina's life lessons, "The best is yet to come." If this life lesson is true, who knows, in the year 2050, on February 14, I shall share my love story. It sure would be a hot, hot Valentine day ;-). 

p.s. Thank you Aloha, thank you Stacy, for sharing your beautiful stories with me. With this blog, I express my deepest sense of gratitude.

Sula fest 2013

I seem to have started 2013 with a bang by spending the weekend at Sula fest on Feb 2 and 3. I wanted to do it one day for the excitement of grape stomping but the fest was so much more.

The first thing that occurred to me at the fest was everybody dresses up. Golden bags, matching shoes, Oscar-like dresses (well, a little exaggerated but the women were no less); it was like ‘Sex and the city’ came to Nasik. However even greater than all this fashion fiesta was the spirit they brought with them. Each and every one wanted to have a great weekend with friends, family, girl friends, boyfriends; chill out, drink wine and enjoy music. If there was no table to sit, they simply squatted on the grass to enjoy their glass. Some drank directly from the bottle. ‘Cool’ and ‘crowd’ assumed a new definition here.

The last three bands (Swaratma, Deep forest, Gaudi) on the second day put up a phenomenal show. I am not much of a music or concert person however the live music experience can make one groove. Even if some of the music just appears like noise on a CD, in a live scenario, the same noise becomes an IMAX 3D experience by a pleasant sunset.

Personally, I drove a total of 600 kms over three days (300 kms one way from Pune to Nasik). We took the expressway and NH3; sleek, sexy roads all way through. The drive was a delight. The 10000 kms milestone was achieved on the return journey.

In reflection, I was in awe of Rajeev Samant, the man behind the Sula brand. Apart from the fantastic wines that the vineyards serve, he pulls the cream of Mumbai (among other places) every year over the weekend to Nasik, a small district which otherwise would have been famous only as a grape growing region.

Grape stomping memoir, for keeps! (Aniket shooting the photo but stomping in spirit)

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January jackpots

One of the nice outcomes of moving part of your home into another is you bump into pleasant surprises stored in boxes. This cheque reminds me of a time I earned in $. It’s special because it was dated on my birthday but most of all I like it because of the whales in the backdrop. The orcas hold a particular significance in my life; so I believe. Someday when I have them painted on my soul, I shall explain their significance. I wanted to keep this memory so alive that I had the cheque laminated.

I always knew my grandmother (aai) was gorgeous, and still continues to be, but I had never seen any pictures of her in the younger days. The picture (below) was taken when she was just about married. “Another jackpot of January,” I said to myself.  “That’s my wedding sari, in silk,” she said, also mentioning that the blouse design was “in vogue” during that period (1950s). 

I love her. She is a woman of strength and substance, right before my sister. My mum is very lady-like fascinated with jewelry and all the so called womanly things but aai and my sis are less materialistic and more spiritual.

Aai birthed five kids, four girls and a boy. During her times too, boy or girl, were both equal to her. She never felt the urge to birth a particular gender. A nice, healthy child was fine by her. The man next to her is my grandfather (Bapu), obviously ;-)! I never really liked him. No love whatsoever but he was a responsible man with Gandhian philosophies. If I was to discuss with him about Gandhi and his German wrestler boyfriend, he would probably beat me unconscious for even thinking that Gandhi had a male lover. Needless to say, he was very Indian in that aspect. To a majority of Indians, freedom fighters were all WHITE. No shades of grey or black. I like Gandhi. Personally to me, apart from freedom, he has given two great philosophies which I shall discuss someday later. He is a great philosopher, great man but I am open minded to listening some of the dark secrets he had buried. When Bapu died, I didn’t go to his funeral. My excuse was, “I didn’t love him, anyways.” I have more empathy now and let people be what they want to be unless it doesn’t affect my course of life. If it was today, I would have paid my last respects. I respected him although didn’t have the love. Even without the love, I am sure part of his blood runs in me. He was also super proud of the fact that his first grandchild went to the US in his early 20s for work. Aai and he fell apart after the loss of my mamu but she came back to nurture him during his “sickness.” She was strong enough to believe in separation and soft enough to nurture the only man she ever loved.

Me and Jaidu (my nephew, Jai,) had a republic day date. He wanted to see “Main Krishna hoon” and I took him along to Cinemax at Infinity Malad. He has no love for the maternal side of his family but there have been a few instances over the past days that his love for mamu is overflowing. He actually kissed me twice before going to school once. Doing that on his own, without coercion from me or his mother, is something. He’s a very kind, soft and gentle boy, I have realized with the time I spend with him. There are kids who are jerks but he can never harm anybody he knows. He loves any food other than the one cooked at home. The afternoon we spent together he had a filet-o-fish meal, two samosas and an ice-cream. He wanted to pack a double trouble doughnut for later but I was very worried of all the things his stomach had been digesting that day. I became the disciplinarian and said, “No, Jayu, enough eating outside for the day! We shall have the doughnut another time.” I reasoned, he pretended to understand. :-). He is a mirror image of his mum; same eyes, same lips, and similar kindness. x o.

Oh yeah, someday in life, I am going to visit the lavender Garden in Mont Ventoux, Southern France. I was the 555th person to like it on facebook. It should be a sign, yeah?

5555 pageviews

I was happy about the 5555 statistics! So, posting as a memoir! "The Rebound" is the all time winner to date!

Click to go to the blog.

2012 summed

Hightlight: 2012 has been pretty fantastic, especially, as far as material gains are concerned. I invested in a studio apartment in Pune; not exactly a place I would live in but probably one I would go back to with my date to ****. If I was sure to live in Pune for years together, I would have probably got a bigger place, a place with a terrace where I could do coffee in solitude and have the date for company. However for now, it seems like a good investment given the dynamics of my life. I am happy about it.

Dad inherited a family land. 

Another new home

The highlight of 2012, though, has to be the house reconstruction that belongs to maternal grand mum. We did the pooja on November 19, and moved in soon after. It's wonderful living in the new house with greenish-grey, cold on the feet, kotha flooring. However, beyond the wonders of living in a new house, I am glad grand mum is back into a place where she spent the peak years of her life. A place where ladies stroll into homes without announcement and chat up. Camaraderie can be so vital in old age. I have seen aai (grand mum) absolutely thrilled and happy after a long time. For someone who hates walking even to the closest garden, she finds enough adrenaline rush to make to and fro rounds up the three storeys multiple times during the day. Let Ganapati Bappa continue to bless her with good health and minimal suffering!

Diwali time; aai in her new home

It's wonderful to celebrate Diwali surrounded with family. This year was one of the finest Diwali celebrations in my life.

IBM: Six months ago, while aai lived with my sister in Mumbai, faced some health hazards. In order she finds some consistency with medication and hospitals, I decided to move back to Pune for a while. I have to thank my stars and Bappa that I work for IBM, an organization who does pioneering work for smarter planet that in turn translates to smarter work for employees. With just my laptop, I could move to Pune IBM location and work effortlessly. Not many organizations can boast of this flexibility. For this reason among others, I would always love and be thankful to IBM.

In general: Hemant got married on June 15 and he seems happy and content. He sort of has become a family man now, doing family things (like going to bed by 10:30 p.m. as he puts it ;-)). This year Hemant has lived up to the proverb, "A friend in need is a friend indeed", for me. I needed cash for the new house and he was the only one who helped me out financially. In my experience, I don't see a lot of people (/ friends) help out other people (/friends) with cash, so I would say, this act was very kind and I only state it here for "as a matter of fact" basis.

I am lesser involved with people emotionally than I used to be. In the prior years, I had passion for people I loved. Over the years, I believe, the number of people I have passion for has significantly plunged. These days I tend to notice the fluff people exhibit to create an impression of niceness. These are the worldly ways, I have realized. I play along, unaffected but appreciative of all they have to say. However, I let them volunteer a grand gesture for me to attach my soul to them. Once the gesture is done conspicuously or otherwise, I say to myself, "Okay, this gesture deserves a shot for my emotional investment." I believe, its life's way of helping me filter out the special ones from the Tom-Dick-Harry or Jill-Jane-Janice!

Sue during her Mumbai trip in February; Lekha at her wedding in December

My God child, Sue, touched my heart this December with a special gesture. During the same time, on December 16, I attended Lekha's wedding. Both these women were the ambassadors to reinforce my faith in the niceness of people in 2012.

Secretly, I have begun to test the people I wish to invest my soul with.

Nevertheless, I am still very open minded and welcome friendships. Being open minded is the foundation of spirituality.

I picked up a Canon 100-400 mm lens in August hoping to further develop photographic skills.

My birthday this year was nothing extra ordinary.

The Kerala vacation was one of my best this year because of the opportunities it presented for photography.

January through March were a few tough months from a state-of-mind perspective. I have rarely felt lonely before but these months were a minor course study on "loneliness philosophy".

Of God's own country!

Contrary to how I had perceived Kerala in tourism promos: a land of Kathakalis, coconut trees, vast stretches of waters; my first impression of God’s own country was a land of eagles, kingfishers and little egrets. It’s probably the budding photographer in me that notices birds more over what is apparent and right in the face, like coconut trees and vast stretches of water. This vacation, from October 31 through November 5, was fantastic. I did an evening at Thiruvanthapuram; thanks to the awful Air India service that delayed my day by about three hours. Never ever fly Air India, I told myself. Apart from the time delays, I thought, the staff was kind; making up for the short comings in delayed schedules that they didn’t have control over.

The next two days were spent in Varkala. Varkala is very laid back and it feels like a smaller version of Goa. North cliff is pretty happening in the evenings vis-à-vis the south. I lived on the south at Hindustan beach resorts; a very decent place to stay for two days. But if one wants action, north cliff is a better place to live. At the north cliff, I loved the café Del Mar restaurant. I only had a late evening coffee there but the ambience kept pulling me towards it. I would probably book the Clafouti resort at the north cliff if I decide to visit Varkala again. The water lake (probably called Angeco) towards the golden temple was beautiful; experienced my first photography aha moment here. Shibu, the boy who drove us around recommended a visit to this temple. He was an excellent sarathi. If ever anyone decides to roam around Varkala, he can be hired as a sarathi during the trip. He is available on +91-8089419757 and one can give him my reference. He knows me as Jeeva ;-). 

Shibu can be reached on +91-8089419757

Kovalam was next for two nights at Samudra KTDC resorts. Nice resort, beautiful outdoors. I was mesmerized by the pristine blue waters at Kovalam. I haven’t seen water that blue ever in my life before, so this was a first. I decided to get in, experience it on the last evening. On the second day at Kovalam, I decided to take a trip to the backwaters of Poovar, an approximate of 16-20 kms drive from Kovalam. The backwaters are overwhelming for photographers. Colorful greens, narrow mangroves, gorgeous birds in flight, golden sands and more. The pictures at these backwaters was my highlight of the Kerala trip.

One would think European accents are difficult to follow. English in mallu is equally challenging.

God’s own country has been a hit with me! 

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Forever us

"In moments a perfect world exists. In moments, I am the perfect one for you... these moments, of you and me, are often infinite. In all the randomness you are 'the one' that my heart wants to stand still with. You are the emotional experience of my soul and therefore, like its ethos to live on to eternity, forever exists. That forever is US." - extract from the Untitled.