A tad proud with my IELTS results

In 2001, when I took my first driving test in the US I did a perfect 8 and flawless parallel parking demonstration. I was told that I would have to come again because nobody gets a license in their first test. So I had a smirk of pride when I showed my brand new, first attempt driving license to everybody. 

Today, I sort of feel the same. A tad proud with my IELTS test results. One week of preps (5 listening tests, 5 reading tests, listening to 5 interviews, and 1 writing test) and an overall band score of 8 is not bad at all (9 is the best you can be!) A booster stride to something new.

Jolie awesomeness: mother, humanitarian, diva!

It was probably seven years ago when I first saw her. In Bangalore times. It was one of the most natural pictures I had seen. She stood laughing by the beach in a black bikini / swim suit. I was mesmerized. She made an excellent first impression. I cut out the newspaper image as a piece of treasure and pasted her on one of my transparent folders. I have misplaced the folder now and it has been very difficult to catch hold of that photo in google searches. I have spent almost an hour in vain.

The truth is, 'love' with a human being can never be a first sight phenomenon. For love to happen at first sight all the other dynamics of expectations, characteristics, philosophies of two people have to tango with each other. The chances of that happening is rare even in an utopian world. If seven years ago somebody would have told me that Jolie is the celebrity I shall love forever, I wouldn't have believed it.

She then made a second appearance in my life covering her head with a scarf out of respect when she visited Afghanistan. Isn't that a modesty we would appreciate of people across all cultures? I attended an interview in 2007/8 with the chief marketing manager of a BPO firm called 24 X 7. He made me wait for 30 minutes and started the interview without an apology, as if he had the right to buy my valuable time. I shall never forget the asshole's arrogance.

After this second appearance is when I started to learn more of her, thanks to google. I learned she was a mother of one and then came another from Africa. Then came the entire Brangelina clan. Today, I subscribe to Oprah's philosophy that motherhood is the toughest job in the world. My sister is a mother and I get to see her raise my nephew very closely. Thanks to her I can relate to the energy and time investment that kids need. I believe women are better equipped to raise kids. Its probably the years and years of conditioning where they have evolved to be the nurturing species. May be its the primitive, feminine instinct. But again, I have seen examples of some who don't deserve to rear a child. However in today's world, like Ricky Martin says, every family is special. He, for instance, plays the dual role of mother and father to his kids. That said while the world has an opinion (and mind you they do and not in a good way) about her burgeoning pride, I believe her choice to mother kids around the world is incredibly commendable. To raise healthy kids and given them an equal opportunity to be the best they can be is God's work. She in that respect is an absolute demi Goddess. The millions she earns probably come handy, but realistically, we all know time beats money when it comes to rearing kids.

To me, she became a person first, actress later. I haven't seen a lot of her films that make me say "She is a spectacular actress," but if you want to see the actress in Jolie you should watch 'Changeling'. 10 minutes into the movie, you forget its a Jolie film. The movie though is tragic and real. The second one that comes close second is 'Gia' where her character is based on supermodel 'Gia Maria Carangi'. While the Jessica Albas of Hollywood decide on proportions of flesh to reveal to the audience, we see Jolie bare, uninhibited in the apartment hallway pleading her lesbian love to stay with her. Tragic movie again. It was probably around these years that she professed of her relationship to model-actress Jenny Shimizu when 'lesbian love' wasn't a style statement or scripts for successful movies in Hollywood. The mere idea to declare your love for someone is powerful. Then is when I realized this woman has passion. She also did a splendid job in 'Girl Interrupted' but this was one character I couldn't come to love in spite of it played by her. 

I will need to watch 'Original Sin' again to comment on the movie but I am not surprised she starred in the film. She has 'SEX' written all over her. So there's no element of surprise when she did 'Original Sin'. Some celebrities try real hard to play the sex kitten but this gift comes to her naturally. She only has to glance. Or smirk. Or raise a brow. The pout does its own magic too. 'Sex' is an integrated part of her soul, an inbred quality that she is born with, like the sense of smell in bloodhounds.

Then again she bursts her own myth by letting a horse canoodle her breasts. I have read a lot of sick things in response to the picture below and although this being one of the sexiest pictures of her, I find it extremely platonic. In spite of her uninhibited nature, she is a person who defines her own boundaries. She comes across as somebody who is non-negotiable on integrity. Say if 'Wanted' was real life and the code wanted her dead; she wouldn't flinch a second to shoot a bullet through her head.

Obviously, I am biased because I am in love with her. Over time, I have realized this love shall continue indefinitely. Her status in my life is something no other celebrity shall supersede. She may not light up the screen every time like Julia does but knowing that she lives in the same world as mine brightens up my day. Women like her are masterpieces. They happen once in a million years.

So, today, on her birthday, I wish her well. In life, in love, in motherhood, in God's work. May she always prosper.

Well, she is sort of like my poetry so I shall stop now!! :o).

A bite of pudding

Soothing summer breeze

stands on the edge

as monsoon shoves her way

with anticipated promise of drizzly days

Summer fulfilled his vow

of crispy dry clothes and luring the animals wild

to a wet oasis

followed by a prolonged dry spell

Today in Mumbai city,

touched by the soothing breeze

butterflies galore and goosebumps reveled

start of a 'pudding' story

Aroused by craving for 'pudding' or the advent of a new season

Not sure which one, or may be both, I thought

of floaters and flip flops,

shorts and singlets

Drenched dates,

wet love affairs,

Inviting friends to jump in puddles

or meet the roaring waves in a group cuddle

Chai cuttings, bhajis and wada paavs

of savoring a hot coffee in bed

A 'pudding' bite to complement the bitter taste

A 'pudding' bite that would make my day.

Then again,

sick of potholes and wet grounds

we wait for the wet spell to pass

in premonition of winter chills to thrill

Cycle of seasons change

One gets over the drenched dates

Some wet affairs last

adoring the good seasons of past

Then, I imagine, if 'pudding' was a person I loved, 

Irrespective of the mood or craving,

I had savor a bite each day

ceremoniously celebrating the ritual

Butterflies shall fly away, goosebumps shall bid adieu,

But someday again, on another breezy morning,

while I savor my bite,

they would marvel out of the blue

Seasons are meant to change

From June, December to May,

Some wet affairs are designed to stay

like my 'pudding' bite each day.

Health, wealth and love

Today is Gudi padwa, a very auspicious day and new year's as per the Hindu calendar. 

This month has been very introspective and I want to mark this day with positive energies. I think February taught me an excellent lesson. At a practical level it has pushed me to assess the importance of money. I haven't saved anything in the past six months, shame on me!! I have to see my accounts on where all the money is gone :D. Its probably flight tickets and small small things but the summation of these small small things are creating a huge impact on my wallet. Lesson learned and I plan to save more in the coming months.

Recently I came across the following proverb.

"The real contest is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else." ~ Geoffrey Gaberino

The timing was rather apt. Now, I believe my capability rather touches the sky while what I have done rests on the earth. I have believed, I am meant for GREATNESS and this introspective month has revealed that I haven't lived up to what I would be at 34. I should have done some Europe vacations for now and I haven't made a single one happen. I have never been a money-minded person so I haven't focused on how much I make. My struggle has always been what I do and does it make and keep me happy? I have had a remarkable 18 months professionally and really enjoyed what I have been doing!! However, its time that I get paid more and move onto a similar interesting body of work. 

The GREATNESS, I was talking about is probably going to come by becoming a published author. I was hoping for it to happen in 2012 and the first draft is ready. However, when I started redoing chapter two, I realized there is so much more to write and do. I don't want to finish the book for the heck of finishing it. I want to give it all the attention it deserves. Needless to say, I believe people are going to love the book. Someday, somebody is going to pick the book and make a movie of it. 

Now you can imagine how much I dream? But then what is life without dreams!!

A great philosopher once said "Either write a story that people would love to read or be the story that people would love to know." Until the book happens, I shall focus on being the story that people would love to know. 

However, even though I stay on the ground aiming to reach the skies, I feel I am blessed. I am closer to family, I have some great friends and I have dreams to wake up to tomorrow. They shall all happen. 

I have good health, I have reasonable wealth and I have love. * Kala tikka * like my friend Bindhu would say :o). 

So here's wishing all my dear ones - health, wealth and love - the three things that are essential to feel blessed. Tomorrow, lets work for more.

March, how ya doing ;)?

I am looking forward to a better month. 

Last month wasn't exactly a great month. I have never felt this lonely, ever. I wasn't at the peak of my health and its probably because of that. Loneliness can be worst then, I have learned. February 2012 taught me that. A couple of years back if I was to make a choice between compromise and loneliness, I would have chosen the latter. 

Although, even today, I believe that would continue to be my choice. Companionship is fantastic but I want to be with somebody who makes my heart go dhak-dhak. At least, a little. What's the point if I don't want to kiss the person next to me in bed every morning and every night? And a lot many times during the day if I get a chance :). I believe my expression of love is rather physical. Even platonic expression for that matter. I hug a few selective close friends an awful lot. I hug and kiss my mom and grand mom.

The trouble with dhak-dhak is, I haven't been in a relationship over the past decade. I have dated, without substance obviously. When I was 25 I said to myself "I have five more years to be in a relationship, what's the rush?" and now I am mostly "OMG, what the fuck did I do in the last decade?" I speak to my single friends, some fantastic people, and the story is apparently the same everywhere. But then, I also speak to my coupled friends and they are happy. I believe, some seem to have the dhak-dhak going for them. 

I am an optimist so I would never give up on the idea of love. It probably will evolve over the years and this blog shall be a testament of how it does!

Enough personal introspection. I am feeling better now and therefore looking forward to a very productive month at work and a rocking personal life. I start working out this week and looking forward to it.

In spite of not being a great month, it was special. Mom completed 38 years of banking service with Bank of India. She's a rock star. At least to her kids. 

And then I met a friend from UK and some of his awesome friends. 

Life should fall in place now. Some parties and catching up with good friends over weekends. Writing - crucial and important. Being open to professional opportunities.

On an upbeat note, I have been very impressed with my Honda Activa recently. I bought it in Bangalore in 2005 and when I moved to Mumbai in 2009 it simply sat collecting dirt for an year. The moron who was supposed to transfer the registration took more than an year to do so. So it wasn't in use. It wouldn't button start, no matter what I did. Then last week, I decided to take it to work for the first time. Two stations away to Goregoan, where I work. In Mumbai I have learned to establish distance with "number of stations" as the measurement unit. And to my pleasant surprise, the button start has begun to work. It is same with our bodies. We need to keep running and being serviced in order to being alive and kicking. In order to button start at the advent of every single day. 

Now back to living, making the most of every single day. Like life should be!

Rest in peace Niyu

In one of my recent posts, I mentioned of a darling girl who was diagnosed with Wilms' tumor. She let go of life on February 26, 2012 at 10:30 p.m. Fighting until her last breath. She was less than two years old.

She is my cousin's daughter and her name is Niyati. Everyone lovingly called her Niyu. 

"Niyu, may you rest in peace," is all I have to say to you. I believe no mere mortal has the wisdom to explain why life is what it is. "Life is what it is" is the only absolute wisdom. Who can explain why a two year old spent most of hers fighting than frolicking? I hope she was braver than her pain. I hope there is that much kindness. 

When people speak of their greatest accomplishments, I hope they are wise to realize that if "love" is not the first on their list, their lives are superficial. Because what I see today is although Niyu was only two, she was surrounded by infinite amount of love - her parents, their friends and her extended family. Infinite and limitless. And I am sure, she gave back immense love to everyone as well. Spiritually, love is probably the "moksha" of all. Everything else is worldly and thus secondary.

Although not personally, I have heard stories where parents probably have had it worse. All I wish to say is Niyu has fantastic parents who did everything they could to ensure she lived as much as she could. Hats off to them. They are God's humane form.

Circle of life continues. Her soul shall probably connect to all her loved ones someday. May be in a future life. 

Valentine’s day 2012

I decided to watch the 9:00 p.m. run on channel WB of “You’ve got mail”. I have to admit the first time I watched the movie, I didn’t get it. I mean what was the big deal? Probably even the second time which I don’t remember when. Then one day, it played on some channel again and Tom Hanks said the finest words that close the deal in any romantic movie.

“Yeah. I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?" ”

The above caught my attention. Then I watched it again and the movie is smart, witty, brilliant.

Someday I will watch it again, back to back. For Meg Ryan who’s adorable in everything does and says. For Tom Hanks, who is so cool about everything. “Its not personal, its business.”

I like Valentine's day or days designated for a purpose. You take time out of your daily lives to do something special. A simple dinner outside, catching up with a friend, watching a movie or simply buying flowers for somebody. You make an additional extra effort to make the day special which you otherwise wouldn't have. 

It didn't seem horrifying to sit at home and watch a movie by yourself. I enjoy my solitude and I seem to get a lot of it these days. An overdose though can be fatal. I need to wander around more, meet interesting people. 

Had a writer's block on chapter 2 of my book today. I hope to provoke more interest and wrench out the dullness.