Until recently, lets say there's a significant part of my life that has been an experiment. I have told myself on occasions, "Lets see how that works out". There have been times where I have known what I have wanted, and I pursued them, however on most occasions, I have gone with the flow. There's a part of my life that is pure coincidence of my circumstances; ofcourse of the choices that have been made by me. And there is another part which is a direct outcome of my desires and my pursuit to meet those. Both to me are my destiny, some within my power and some out of my control. However, over time, I have found the power to let my desires take the centerstage; so that even if I have to go with the flow, I am aware that I am not too far off from where I want to be.
The desire and the pursuit
I have always wanted to study in Fergusson college. Not that I was aware of the teaching standards or the grandeur of the institution, however, it was the word of mouth branding of the college. Its like having an immediate impression of an individual walking out of a PRADA store irrespective of what the bags contained. That was being a Fergussonian. People always gave that "Ah, Fergusson is it?" response, as if you were part of an elite exclusive modern club. And I just knew that by the time I am 16 I would study there. I spent two years of my junior college at Fergusson from 1993 to 1995. Did I say I was a merit lister in the SSC exam? * wink wink *
In 1999, I was posted in Baroda for a period of 3 months. I lived in the locality of Alkapuri and loved the place that was distinctly noticed by a dense population of cows. It gave the impression that the countryside and city life coexisted in one. And there I was sure of the second desire that would find the light of day in my life. "I am going to go abroad" I said to myself. "If not me, who else?" Within the next 18 months, I was on contract work with IBM in the USA. Coincidentally, if you rearrange the word 'Baroda' (my first place of posting), it becomes 'abroad'.
The chances of destiny
Somewhere in 1995, I seemed to have lost grip of what I wanted to be or do. I considered options and architecture then seemed very close to heart. However, I ended up doing engineering - and spent some of the most mediocre years of my life. It wasn't a horrendous experience but I didn't care about magnetism or electricity or writing code, however, I studied. Not getting good grades can often be equated to lack of will or engagement and I would be guilty as charged. However, to me, its more deeper than that. I didn't have the engineering instinct that arouses the excitement to learn something new. I would attribute a lot of today's world comforts to engineers such as washing machines, automated locking systems, microwaves, LEDs and blah blah blah. At that time, I even seemed to lack this sense of purpose, which I probably understand now. So there were those four years that I invested not learning as much as I would have loved to. However, I did enjoy a few subjects like computer organization and articificial intelligence. They excited me a bit. And it was the end of fourth year already, when I said, "Ok, this is the last year. Lets put something more into it". I cleared with first class, infact around 15 marks lesser for a distinction. However, the first class is something I can credit myself for. Anything beyond that is thanks to Sameer who did all of our BE project and networking with the Head of Department that weighed heavy on the project grades in our favor.
The spell of a wish into the universe
Towards the end of my first year engineering, I knew Wipro was the day zero company that visited PICT. And in 1996, they picked up close to ten people from the then BE batch. I was in college that day until very late evening and when we heard the news, I said out loud "Wow, how cool would it be to get into Wipro?" Given my technical expertise in coding, I doubted whether that was ever going to be my fate.
Then in 2000, 18 months after I had graduated, I was working in the US on a contract with IBM where I happened to meet Mr. I-forgot-his-name. Mr. I-forgot-his-name was super fabulous in coding and communication; probably a super combo for IT project manager, application architect and so forth. Someone told me that he was being made a regular IBM employee from contract the same year. And I said out loud "How cool is that? Moving from contract to a full time IBM employee."
Now here is where universe decided to call in an intervention in my case. In 1999, during the last final year (BE), Wipro was the third company to come to campus and the first where the most brilliant kids would apply. That year, they came for 2 positions of software developer and system administration. I appeared for the latter, and backed myself a job. Just like that. A spell that I had unknowingly cast, was heard and I was with Wipro.
Exactly, nine years later, in 2009, I became an IBM employee in India. Somewhere in astrology I read 2009 was the beginning of another nine year cycle (of life I presumed). And I remembered that I did want to be an IBMer in the US. It was happening to me at a time when I had least expected it.
Life is always work in progress
After two and a half years of techie experience, behind servers, trying to keep them up running 24 X 7, I asked to myself, "Is this what I want to do with my life all through?" and spat came the answer "NO - in capitals". I got laid off thanks to the Mr. I-forgot-his-name's wife. She had decided to move from software development to system administration. It was a really bad time for the economy 2001 onwards. That was my first experience with politics, though I really didn't quite get it and neither did I care. Derya Pamukcu, was the district manager @ IBM then and from what I hear, a great guy. It was only easy to keep I-forgot-his-name's wife on the job given the economy and all practicality for Mr. I-forgot-his-name. It was easier to let me go who was around only for an year, than to let go of someone who was working for him for a lot many before he even knew me. May be I cared less, because it was only a job not something I loved from my heart. Consequently, in spite of being offered another position in Colorado, I decided to pack bags and come home to India.
I did my MBA marketing, something I presumed I would be good at. Post MBA, I did sales support at Wipro for an year; then moved over to Accenture. In Accenture, I did sales support for two years and resource management for the next two. It was during this time, I met some of the most gorgeous people (read leaders) that I shall never forget for the rest of my life - Sarah Thomas and Girish Tutakne; probably the two because of who I have evolved to be the individual I am in my work life. I shall tell you about the both of them a litte later in another note labelled "Of change and culture". In retrospect, I believe I spent some of my most glorious professional life in Accenture.
So having done sales support, analytics and project management through these years, I wondered what was next in line for me? Did I want to be a solution architect or head sales someday? A project manager handling multiple crucial projects? And my eyebrows clenched. I had no heart to do either.
Lets get a little personal
While I was running with my professional life, personally I made a few friends. I read Mahesh's blog once and was inspired to write. End result was my first blog post on livejournal. A few of my friends liked it. And so I continued whenever I had time. I had written my first poetry way back in the ninth standard inspired by Vaishali. Naah, she wasn't my love interest, however she shared her poetry and I was very impressed. I decided to write one myself and I managed to write versus. She liked mine too.We could have sort of been like that 'mutual admiration club' :P.
Over time, friends and friends at work, have been very responsive to my writing. Even when it came to writing emails, some would consult with me. I wrote process documents with relative ease, it came naturally. Writing is my dad's gene, and I seem to have gotten it.
So, knowing, that I was decent at writing and engaged into it with all my heart, it was time to make a change. I wanted to get into communications. And since 2008, while in Accenture, I sought for a position in marketing communications. Unfortunately, that did not happen, and I quit Accenture to join IBM in sales support in May 2009. Recently on 27th Sep 2010, I moved into the role of a communications specialist dealing with internal corporate communications; writing, editing and managing content of articles and stories across IBM. Sumathi Mohnani is the leader of our team and she made this happen. I am only getting to know her now, however it feels good to work for someone who understands your interests and aspirational inclination. So that's probably the third time in life that the universe has worked in my favor. If destiny or I do not have extravagant plans for me, I someday see myself leading a communications team. I shall do it with flair and heart.
Something simple yet coincidental
Another very simple incident. All through the five years I lived in Bangalore, I never managed to go to the Collectives showroom. I had big intentions on shopping there, only my wallet wouldn't agree with me each time. So, the least I wanted to do was pay a visit. I didn't manage that during the five years in Bangalore. When I moved to Mumbai, another dear writer friend, Ashis Samant(h)a, asked me to do a hair-makeover at Biguine for one of his articles. The coincidence: Biguine operates inside of the Collectives at Phoenix mills. The universe was listening, big and loud, in bits and pieces.
What's the point of all this?
Well, I read the alchemist years ago and I wondered whether what the alchemist quoted, "when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true", was indeed true? Does it really happen? In today's date, my belief in the "the conspiring universe" has become strong. Now, I know, my life hasn't influenced the world around me extraordinarily. However, from where I began I have enjoyed the journey for its lessons and the milestones of station-stops. The boredom, the wandering and wondering, the excitement, some joy and then possibly on a path where I see myself going.
One day, Mahesh looked at my palm and told me, "Jeevan, your life shall be pretty ordinary and would hardly influence anyone else". Well, that's how I perceived it, though I am sure he would have been a diplomat in that key message communication. For a minute, I thought, "Wow, that would be some sad life". However, I like to believe I am made for something extraordinary. Don't we all like to believe that? Its a gut feeling, everyone has one. * wink *
Of all the philosophies on life, do some of us execute 'life is journey to self realization' in principle? I feel like I am getting a hang of who I am as I know myself better with passing months and years.
Off late, I have discovered of the third 'desire' that for me is universe-bound. You guys shall come face to face with it within the next two years and I promise that some of you will be touched.
I may have learnt in practice that "casting a spell on the universe actually works". But while that happens, I have always been left with one decent option - to do the best I can given the circumstances at hand. In my experience, there are a few external uncontrollable indicators that will work in your favor and that won't. For me, when the desperation got unbearable, I tried of ways to manage it. On one occasion, my instinct was to quit and I did without another job in hand. I closed the door without an open window. And while I got some breathing peace, God opened another door and I was in my new job within no time. That does make me wonder whether "Am I one of HIS favorite child?"
Honestly, I could be. Do you remember what Jules said to Michael? If not, here's how it goes "Michael, I have a gigantic favor to ask of you and it may come at a very inopportune time but ..... Choose me, marry me. Let me make you happy". I have never had to make such an extraordinary proposition to anybody. I cannot complain that I haven't been loved. I was picked by some of my closest friends and showered with affection and warmth. This continues in today's date as well. I have a family that keeps me very grounded, well, at least most of the times. Even during the times that I hated part of my work, and was traveling back home on a rainy evening, I considered myself lucky to be driven by a cab and not having to wait for public transport. Everything's been good, touch wood!
These days, with the influential universe, I have become a person with tremendous positive energy. Some of my friends kind of sense it! I seem to care less of circumstances and more of what I want to do with what I have? How am I going to make a productive today? How am I going to contribute to my learning? I will possibly take the lust at face value and live the moment or abandon it for coffee with a pal. In my subconscience, I do wish that these day to day agendas fork into another alternative where I can contribute 'part of self to other than self' like Ralph Waldo Emerson said "to leave the world better by a garden patch, a healthy child or redeemed social condition..." In the future, I will know this "wish" and have a crystal clear idea of it. For now, let me focus on the one I have promised to myself.
I keep casting spells (read wishes) in the universe once in a while. And what I know of it for now, it swings back the gift at me. The two of us seem to enjoy the swing-dancing, like we are having some cosmic love affair. Of course there are a couple of desires still unanswered but seems like the universe follows its own time schedule. Like love, it comes around when you least expect it and surprises you.
Has the universe ever conspired for you?
For now, I am good to go. I shall append as more life happens.
