Last Saturday, on the day of makar sankranti (Jan 15, 2011), I visited Siddhi Vinayak temple – my first visit since I came to Mumbai almost 20 months ago. It was an impulse decision triggered by a real life event. The last time and only time I paid a visit to Siddhi Vinayak in Mumbai was in 2000. More than ten years, I questioned myself?
I am a God believing person, that is ahead of God fearing. I believe, I have never sinned - Although have been a little callous about life’s events and my responses to the world surrounding me including elders, closed ones and species that are neutral to my being. I don’t know whether God expects me to polite with everyone but if he does then I could be in big trouble someday. I can be outright, sometimes to the point of being lethally blunt that it may leave a wound behind. Frankly I am not sure whether I am sensitive to it, but I quite often write that behavior as “assertive”. I hope He forgives this brashness. May be as I get older, I shall learn the art of diplomacy (though in my heart, I am not sure whether I am that person).
Every temple has given me peace whenever I have paid a visit as this did. God knows all that you have been upto and there is nothing to hide. All I can ask for is ‘some prevailing sense that I continue to be righteous and fair’. I pray almost everyday – probably because its good to make Him a part of my daily life, bring in positive energy, have an accomplice in ‘uncertainty’.
Though consciously, I don’t make an effort which I suppose I should. For instance, when Vishal was here – we probably lounged every weekend and I was a little shocked that I had to await a ‘trigger’ to pay my respects to Him? That, Jeevan, I think is very shameful. Though, I try to feel good about the fact that I drove my grandma to mumbadevi. So, may be, at some conscious level I need to put my thoughts into action and pay homage a little more regularly.
As we grow older, we realize who we are. All throughout childhood, God has been ONE for me. If I had to answer who do I pray to – I wouldn’t have an answer! Throughout my engineering, each Thursday I went to Dutta mandir @ Kamla Nehru Park. Then as I started believing in the mystique of the universe, I began investigating its effect on me. I am born on the 7th day of Ganapati festival – and there based on my birth, I chose my God.
I have just begun a relationship with Him. Over time, I shall get to know Him better – his powers, aura, and story. I presume He already knows me. He may have a big hand writing it. So I have requested a Maha puja @ Siddhi Vinayak temple today. I like to believe that whatever materialism I may give in offering, His disciples may partly use for reconstruction or expansion and partly for the benefit of His people!
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